towards winter solstice [or finding an excuse to change]

Reach out for the random - he said... and I believed him, so wholeheartedly that right now I don't know what's next for me, and it doesn't scare me. But what is it that stops me from calling her? I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to see her or have dinner again with her, go see a movie, walk holding her hand, have a beer, a cigarette and a hookah. What keeps me thinking about the Indigo childs and adults? what worries me about being one myself?... I told her I guess I should be aware of much more than I already am, but why? do I care about Indigo things??? do I even know what does indigo looks like????

I must excercise now... is the only way I can focus my attention this days, maybe tomorrow there will be someone at University that I really want to see, or hug, or share a beer and a smoke with.