The Light Box is: off

For those of you who doesn't know, The Light Box is the name I gave to my room; I gave it that name because this (I'm here right now) is one of the very few places on Earth where I can be in peace, I can meditate, cry, think and throw stuff around in anger; and after that psychodrama it's always light, there's always a bright idea or a clear thought that makes me remember being human is not that bad.

Other places where I've been and felt the same way that I feel here are my granma's house roof; the window of my room in that 12th floor at Wellington Hotel in Manhattan; Merlin's room in Havana, Cuba (well yeah... Merlin is a girl you punks); and outside Rafa's house in the forest in Michoacan, Mexico. I've never been to Ushuaia, Argentina, but something tells me that could be another place to add to the list... maybe somewhere in Rijeka, Croatia too...

So, after that intro, this is the story: Today I saw her again, and felt worst than yesterday, because yesterday she came to me (as it happened before), sat next to me, looked at me with that loving eyes... then she said she had problems at home. I wanted to fucking cry right there... because I told her, the only reason why she were so loving and caring with me was because she had problems... she started dating this guy and everything solved in her life... and I vanished with her problems... no more SMS's, no more calls, no more hugs, no more "how are you today?", no more nothing... and the reason why she came to me this time was the same, she has trouble... but this time it was different, this time she told me all about it and I said "oh... that's bad", and she felt the wall... my wall... that fucking wall she made me built.  Today I saw her again, and she gave me the stuff she had to give me, just said "hi" and nothing more, one forced smile here and there... nothing more.

I came back after school and work, and I felt exhausted, also my mind was exhausted, also my heart was... I entered The Light Box and said to myself "ok this is the place... this is the only place near here that's free of stupid people, free of hypocrite looks, free of shit"... and I listened to music, and cried, and wrote, and played the guitar, and read, and played Grand Theft, and cried again, and so on... but this time, the clear thought, the brightness didn't come... the light didn't blind me, nothing stroke my mind, so now I'm worried... I'll try my grandma's house, or Manhattan, but if that doesn't work I don't know what I'm going to do.

Love & Respect

Mark