The Wicked Me

I've been thinking about my life lately, and even when I don't have the wild lifestyle the media and film like to depict, I've done some wicked things in it. I didn't realize that until now that I'm 26 years old with a university degree and a nice portfolio of design under my arm, until now I'm starting my second degree in Industrial Design, until now that I've surprised myself making a compilation of my songs and found 12 of them that deserve some attention, that's an entire album... it's more than I dreamt of when I started playing guitar at 15, until now that I have a girlfriend that I consider the girl of my dreams with the only problem that she's 15 right now... well I don't really care about that, and she doesn't care either so I guess we're ok even when the rest of the world isn't.

So, until now I realized I'm morally wrong... a lot of people know some of the "bad" things I've done, few people know a few other, and I've done things that I'm determined to take with me to the grave. The point is that I'm more than I thought I might become when I started walking the path of the left hand at 13, buying Guns n' Roses and Metallica CD's, dressing all in black and thinking of me as "different" when the truth is I was a bad copy of all the "metal guys" around, young and naive, with ridiculous hair and some fake attitude... I'm still young and naive, but now I'm determined to find my place in this universe. I think of myself between 14 and 24 watching hours of snuff videos and porno stuff, spending days torturing people all around me with my unconformity (most of them of course, my family... and I'm sorry for that), having the time of my life tearing open human bodies in the Anathomy lab in the UNAM... well I guess few of you knew about that and yes, I enjoyed it a lot, (some of you still belive I actually ATE parts of that human bodies but well that's actually not true, fortunately I stopped my frantic self before attempting that), having sex just for having it, mentally (and sexually... maybe...) abusing a couple of girls and being abused for another couple (it was good anyway); and the only thing that produces me now is a big smile, no remorses, no regrets, just a big smile and the pleasure of saying "hell I was crazy BUT I always kept a low profile". Of course that doesn't mean I could do that all over, now I get sick when I see snuff, freak porno, blood or human suffering, I tried raw sex this same year and I felt like a slut after that... wait a second!... human suffering could do well for some parasites I know!! that's acceptable yes, even desirable, but that's another story.

After all that, now I wonder where am I heading with this "doer of evil" badge some people put me, I don't do all that nasty shit I used to, but I still do bad things that's for sure! only this time I'm focused, I can love people who show love and empathy, and I've learn to hate too, to hate those who deserve it with all my heart and well... you all know the story about that whore that I put a curse on (oh yessssss), and you all know about that nude pictures of that sexy cat (pffff) that are now multiplying by themselves like chinese people all over the internet... with a little help from my friends of course... oh come on that's entretainment!

Where will I be in 10 more years? I wish I could have a glance! damn it... well, I hope next 10 years of my life can bring me some surprises as past 10 years did... and I hope some of you people still be here in my heart for I love you too damn much, all you guys and girls (there are just a few... maybe no more than 6 people) that love me for who I am, not for what I look like or what I have or can buy... those people who understand (and sometimes shared) the wicked things I've done, you know who you are, please keep up with me, I couldn't get far without you.

Love & Respect
Mark