Anyone

What should I do to not show myself as a crazy man to people? is there a magic mask I could wear and hide the storm inside my head? what if I tell you I feel shitty but it's not because of the way you acted last night? would you believe me?

The problem I always face, the same thing over and over again, I speak my mind and people just don't believe me... it's my mind u know, MY mind so the things I say are pretty much the truth. People often lies when it comes to express their feelings, not me, because if I don't tell the way I feel, then how am I suppose to let them know how I feel? by my face? by my acts? by my way of crying out of nothing? SHIT! I can't stand when people do that, I hate when people try to make me "guess" what's wrong, that's why I just say it.

The issue that I struggle with is, people can't believe I feel "this way" because of "that thing"... what if I listen to a System of a Down song and it makes me cry? would you think my cousin went to Irak therefore I hate war? would you think I have a member of my family walking the fine line between life and death because of the imperlialist regime? and if I tell you the song is just sad because I'm a human being and human beings are killing each other just around the block? just around the planet? of course you wouldn't believe that. What if I just feel shitty and you act like you don't care? I will surely cry, but I'll never tell you something like "is just me or you don't care?" because I know the answer "of course I care" yeah... that's why you act like you don't... women say that's mostly a man issue but I've faced that so many times I'm scared to try again, this thing I feel inside is so worrying I've tried to get over it many times, but just as "the last time" someone reminds me life is not that way, somehow I'm the only one that cares about other people feelings, I like to choose my words before I spit them, specially in a crisis situation... what about you? would you say "I'm sorry I didn't mean to..."? or "I'm sorry I had my own problems to care about yours"? either way I'm getting tired, tired of struggling against that ghost called commonly used arguments, tired of having to explain myself to people, tired of being on this side of the world when I could be in all places, when I can be in the calm side of it... is there anyone out there...?

................... anyone?